Thursday, April 22, 2010

No new posts for a while

I probably won't post anything more until after finals. So coming soon: awesome report on why finals are bad for the human soul.


Monday, April 5, 2010

Matthew's Account

Don ‘t Drink and Drive or You Might End up in Mike’s Blog

While driving back from a wonderful evening at odooley’s pub, me bobbing my head to Rufus Wainwrite in a very masculine manner, Greyson and I came across a concerning sight at 21st and Wanamaker. The SUV of our friend James Porter had been rear ended by an old sedan with sharp, boxy edges. Immediately the driver of the sedan opened his door and literally fell out of his driver’s seat onto his face on the concrete. I’m not sure I’ve ever seen such a dramatic gesture of drunkenness. Kyle (the backseat passanger of the assailed vehicle) in his desire to see state law satisfied and this vagrant come to justice dialed the authorities with slightly impaired motor function. Upon becoming aware of the imminent arrival of the authorities, the drunken man crawled back into his driver’s seat. He was going to try to drive off. I really wish that this post could capture the sound of this poor man’s attempt at speech. Sadly you’ll just have to make due with, “oooov, uhhhh neeeee to go hoooo.” Kyle with great authority stood in the path of the driver with his hand outstretched.

Within minutes the police arrived. “What happened here?” The Officer asked.
“Well officer, let me explain.” replied Kyle. “My friend J. P., while we were driving back from odooley’s ,got rear ended by this drunk guy…I’ll be honest with you officer I’m a little drunk…I’ve had 4...or maybe 6 drinks. One of them was a Belfast which admittedly hits me a little hard, but I wasn’t driving. As I said my friend was driving…” (before Kyle could offer up any more impertinent and incriminating information he was interrupted.

“So you weren’t involved in the accident?” said the officer. “No.”Kyle replied. The police officer walked past Kyle to get the account from the drivers.
After this amusing display, I looked over to see Gabe(the passenger of J.P.’s SUV)bouncing and crossing his legs intermittently. “Guys, I’ve really got to pee.”Gabe said.

“Well go on the Hardies building.” Replied Kyle.

“I don’t want to go with the cop standing right there.”

“He’s busy, he’ll never notice.”

While Gabe was going over to the hardies building at a very brisk pace, Kyle yelled out. “RUN GABE.” The police officer swung his maglight over to where Gabe was standing in the middle of the street with his legs Crossed.

“Hey, where are you going” the officer yelled.

“I’ve really got to Pee!” replied Gabe.

After much deliberation the police officer said. “Fine, hurry back.”
This scene finally ended with the drunken man getting in the backseat of the police cruiser in handcuffs. That image alone will be reason enough for me never to try to drink and drive.

Note from Mike: Thanks for the post Matt, Apparently the plan is to author 4 different accounts of this story from the other participants. Consider them the “4 Gospels of the Run Gabriel Saga.” Blasphemy you ask? Not at all. It’s an apologetic. To demonstrate how 4 tales of the same events can bring out different details. None are wrong, they just differ from perspective.