On past battles

Here's a post from my old blog I had in undergrad. I would still post there but I forgot my password...

concerning chicken ducks
Imagine a chicken. Make its bill slightly longer and its head slightly bigger. Make that chicken slightly longer. Now give the chicken a really butt ugly head which is white speckled with black and feathers flailing in every direction like a lion's main. And still further make the chickens feat webbed but it still has the claws. Now make that hideous beast fearless. Once you imagine all these things you will have a good idea what is plaguing my romantic walks with my girlfriend. Yes, Chicken ducks. They are straight from hell. I'm fairly certain the retirement home near the pond where the chicken ducks dwell has been breading them in order to scare some of the old people to death so that they have more space. (that's pretty terrible I know, but a creature this grotesque has to be bread for some evil purpose). Every time Liz and I walk by this pond we usually sit and share a genuinely romantic moment together, but not since the chicken ducks came. These Chicken ducks will fly up right onto this wooden deck about a foot from my face where we are sitting. Then it starts its evil purpose of trying to scare me to death by peering deep into my eyes with its lifeless cold red eyes(however I am not old and I don't die, but I do feel an icy cold feeling deep in my soul that must be part of me dieing). So I feel we must leave and take our romantic getaway elsewhere. But then it flys and sits in the middle of the sidewalk directly in our way. So there I am facing down a demon straight from hell. I knew it was him or me. So I ran straight for it. There on the chill afternoon I ran full force all 230 pounds 6'5" of me ready to crush the evil of this chicken duck. But it didn't move just calmly and coldly stared with an deadly smirk like it knew if I struck it down he would become more powerful then I could ever imagine (shameless star wars reference). So a foot before these two cosmic forces collided I stopped...THE CHICKEN DUCK HAD CALLED MY BLUFF. Never play chicken with a chicken duck. So I looked more moronic then I ever had before in my life (and that's saying alot) the chicken duck had won. So I positioned myself between the chicken duck and liz and walked around with my head held low and the stench of shame in my nostrils (although it prolly was just the chicken duck). The chicken duck knew he had beaten me. He clucked with pride. but deep down I think he knew, like all evil villains know, I would eventually win.......



CHARACTER EDUCATION KANSAS

TOPEKA ATTORNEY

2nd year

It has been quite a while since my last post. I've been pretty darn busy. I just started my 2nd year of law school. So far its been pretty redonkulously busy. (The expression not the flower. Yes redonkulous is a flower. Google that shit. I don't actually know how its spelled but the condescending google "did you mean" ought to help.)I am taking 13 hours of normal classes most of which are overlapping at a mind numbing pace. I'm now an expert on procedural due process. (that's as boring as it sounds). Going back to school always makes me feel like Harry Potter. Especially in law school when people sometimes say "1st year" or "2nd year."

I am also taking 2 hours of credit for an internship at the district court. That has been fairly interesting. I am not actually allowed to talk about the details of my work (a fact which I love).I think I can actually do this stuff. Which is important because ready or not in less than two years I will have to. Or I could always go back to waiting tables. I don't think my wife would like that idea very much.

TOPEKA ATTORNEY

CHARACTER EDUCATION KANSAS

Car Trouble, Ignorance, and a Thunderstorm in the sun

My poor car is broken. Whats worse is that I have no money to fix it. The inarticulate mechanic said, "I ain't gonna sugar coat it for ya"

"Ok hit me"

"The timing chain is busted" (waits for some sort of gasp or recognition of what that means)

"oh... yeah... that's what I figured."

"And you know that busts up the head." (I think he must mean head gasket? I don't know)

"the car's head?"

"yeah we might have to find you a new engine." (shit)

"well, let me know when you have an estimate together."

Then he proceeds to more technically explain all of the effects and details on my "broke" engine. My mind begins to wander. I am in law school. I am fairly intelligent. This man who sounds like Barney Fife knows more about the inner workings of cars then I could ever hope to. I really dislike feeling that ignorant about something. Oh well. A modern economy at work. The worst part is I feel that they kinda think I'm worthless for not knowing such things I want to yell. "COMPARATIVE ADVANTAGE, COMPARATIVE ADVANTAGE!!! READ ADAM SMITH!"

In another interesting happening I witnessed a Thunderstorm outside while I could still see the sun. Very weird. I mostly just wanted to include in my title "A Thunderstorm in the Sun." Like maybe a crazy sequel to a raisin in the sun. Anyway I hope you all have had a better week than I.

TOPEKA LAWYER

CHARACTER EDUCATION KANSAS

Crazy hindu dude from my childhood has re-emerged

When I was about in Jr. High my older brother and I began to notice a bright red mustang with chrome trim and leopard print chairs. Also accoutrement with a giant monogram ed galloping horse (the ever present literary sexual symbolism is not lost on me)and large fuzzy dice hanging like described in Cake's the Race car ya ya's. Driving this magnificent motorized stead was a foreign fellow with a killer mullet and shades. Joey and I thought the man looked Indian. And lovingly referred to this harbinger of happenin car accessories as "crazy Hindu dude." (yes I realize that not all people from India are Hindu but perhaps my middle school self did not).

You may now, my dear reader, be wondering why I am telling you this tale of the crazy hindu dude. Because the crazy hindu dude has resurfaced almost a decade later! He goes to my gym. I have been working out on a fairly regular basis and have been pleased to re discover this guy. His car is still in pristine form and has added a Philipino flag. So he appears not to be Indian or hindu but Philipino. I am not aware of what particular religion dominates in the Philippines so I won't presumed to call him crazy budhist dude or crazy christian dude or anything. I am pleased to report that he is still sporting the killer mullet and is fond of basketball. As I was exiting the gym I saw him spinning a basketball on his finger and looked directly at me as if to say, "yeah, I'm crazy hindu dude from your past. and I haven't changed a bit. I'm keeping real. Spinning basketball's on my fingers and rockin the mullet. I'm a high fivin, mustang drivin, mullet man. In yo face, Mike!"

TOPEKA ATTORNEY

Character Education

(Sigh)

my wife read my post and couldn't get past all of my grammatical and spelling mistakes... this makes me sad. Plus I feel useless at work right now and when I post links the html stopped working.....AARHG.

TOPEKA ATTORNEY

Guys in biker clothes

I had a very eventfull trip on my way back from Oklahoma.

First: I caught the flu. That isn't very much fun and is even more not very much fun when you are not home and sleeping on an air mattress in your in laws front office. I blame my wife. She wanted to stay at her parents for a day longer, but because of work stuff we had planned on leaving early friday. However, friday came and I woke up to an unpleasant surprize. (I won't gross you out with the details.) I say I blame my wife because she later admitted to praying late Thursday night that she somehow be able to stay home more day. Yes, thats right, Liz smote me with the flu. Still being determined I still actually packed the bags into the car, however that single act made me so tired I almost face planted on the pavement. I figured maybe its time to sit for a second. Then it was time to run to the bathroom again. Then it was time to admit I was not going to be able to ride in a car for any amount of time that day.

Second: The next day I was actually feeling almost 100% better. (this is further evidence of the smoting). No fever, no... other symtoms of the flu. So we left around 10:30. We stopped in Edmond, a variable clavacade of chain shopping centers and starbuxii (plural form of starbuck's). In the particular establishment we stopped at there was a rather rambunctious group of 40 to 50 year old bikers and their ladies. I am not talking about the leather wearing kind of bikers I am talking about the spandex wearing, lance armstrong admirering bycicling enthuesiest who aparently have little shame. What made me laugh about them is how obviously, proud they were about their biking outfits. It was a specticle. There was one guy with them who wasnt wearing the spandex. He was obviously the uncool one of the group who desprately wanted to be as cool as his buddies who had matching red suits. The thing that cracked me up most is the two matching guys as they were leaving fist bumped eachother and said "good ride" and then they all got in SUV's and left. I guess the biking wasn't for the environment as much as for the purpose of wearing spandex in public. I also wondered if they went and got there wives why couldnt they have changed was that they did not so disturbingly display they 50 year old douchy butts. Oh well. I obviously spent the whole time staring at them. And immediately fist bumped my wife and told her good ride.

Third: I blew a tire about 70 miles south of Topeka. It pretty much exploded the wheel well and plastic was everywhere. luckilly I didnt have any problem pulling over despite the sudden feeling I was about to die. We had to wait about an hour for the tow truck but it was actually not to bad. It was a nice day and we were in a hilly region of KS. So other than the bug bites not a terrible occurance, other than the expense.

That is all

TOPEKA LAWYER