On Harry Potter

After graduating from Oklahoma Christian University a few friends of mine decided to take up the sport of golf. We thought we had entered into a new world of the elite. Young, soon to be rich (or so we hoped) and full of care free joy. Golf represented a quest to sell out as quickly as possible. The old cliche says, Pride goes before the fall (is that in the Bible? I probably shouldn't call it a cliche if its in the Bible.)

My "fall" occurred on an auspicious day when I triumphantly returned to Oklahoma and my then 5 month old pass time, golf. That cool fall morning Elizabeth had gone shopping with her friend while Reece and I, who were perhaps a bit hung over, decided on a refreshing 9 holes to start our day (he had moved into an apartment complex that had its own golf course). The full 9 holes would not be played that day.

The 3rd hole brought no unusual occurrences at first. I drove well, down the center (ok that's a little unusual) and Reeces ball landed somewhat to the left. I was toward the end of the fairway and didn't have far too go before I hit onto the green. There was, of course, one obstacle that I had foreseen and one that I had not. The obstacle I was aware of and worried about was the water that flowed lazily between me and par. The unthought of obstacle was the cart path that lay just about a foot in front of my ball. A ball, I might add, that was quite hard. I swung my club with neanderthal strength. It connected with the Ball. Instantaneously, a flash bomb went off in my head.

Totally and utterly confused I saw Reece running toward me repeatedly yelling, "are you ok? are you ok?"

I replied, "My head hurts a little bit." (understatement is fun even when you have a concussion).

I felt the place where ball had made contact. I pulled my hand back to see that it was now covered in blood. I looked down at the ground there was splatter. The hot liquid continued to run down my face. Reece asked if I was going to pass out. I didn't think so. But I was pretty confused. I told him I didn't have health insurance (so much for the wealth). We covered my bloody head with my shirt (which incidental had Arabic writing on it from a Model Arab League competition I had once attended) We found my Ball it had cleared the Water. That's right. The ball had struck the corner of the cart path, bounced up, struck my forehead and went across the hazard only to land in the rough to the right of the green. I still have the scar on my forehead. It defiantly declares without my permission, "golf is not my sport." But on the bright side I can dress up like a giant Harry Potter for Halloween.

TOPEKA ATTORNEY

Upon losing all faith in humanity

Recently I was stopped at a red light with Elizabeth. At the intersection there was quite a bit of construction so that the lane to my right was closed. This presented a mild difficulty for the people turning left onto the road which I was traveling on. Apparently so much so that instead of turning into the correct place they actually turned in the turn lane going in the opposite direction. Whats amazing is that they didn't actually realize there mistake until they were face to face with an oncoming car and nowhere to turn because to their left were cones and to their right was torn up concrete. Beyond that torn up concrete (and just a single lane further to their right) was the correct westbound lane. What is particularly amazing to me about this is that not 1 but 2 other cars followed the first guy into the incorrect lane. This is about when I discovered that humans are lemmings. I really wish I could have witnessed how this situation resolved itself but alas my light was green and I too had to blindly follow the car in front of me. My leader did not go off any cliffs (continuing with the lemming metaphor) but he did have a delightful bumper sticker which stated plainly and defiantly, "what the f*ck are you looking at."

(sigh)

Now I haven't actually lost all faith in humanity. But really. Not a great showing lately guys. (lets segway into a pep talk for humanity)... just kidding... but seriously. Maybe something like, "lets get out there and shows those condescending squirrels what we've got. With their judgmental little eyes and their tree top homes. Well we have it pretty good too squirrels . . . heh (indecipherable grumbles) squirrels . . . . "

This post has taken a turn for the weird and with that I am done.

TOPEKA ATTORNEY

CHARACTER EDUCATION KANSAS

Another Vintage Post

I couldn't think of anything very funny to write so here is an old post from the old blog.

Wendy's Drive Through
After I got off work the other day I was quite hungry so before I headed over to the hotel which my mom and little bro were (they were stopping in for the night on their way back from enrollment at Baylor) I went across the street to Wendy's. I ordered, casually, a number 6 combo meal. (thats the spicy chicken sandwich and it is Delish!) The total came to 5 dollars and 30 cents (the numbers are rounded to protect the innocent and because I don't remember exactly how much it was accept that it was over 25 cents which is part of my story so I will continue) anyway when I pulled up to the first window where you pay, (because just one window to pay and recieve your food is just to much for me to handle) I handed the cashier, who was a long haired freckaled faced boy of about 17 years of age, a 5 dollar bill and 50 cents, However the freckaled one dropped my fifty cents! I was about the open my car door to try and retrieve the lost coinage when he said:

"Wait! I'll Get It!!!"

I was a little puzzled at his respose because he was in the building and me being outside.
But then he proceded to crawl outside the drive through window! And as he landed inbetween the ediface and my car (which he was uncomfortably close to by the way) he plainly stated:

"Its Magic!"

He dissapeared for a moment and remerged triumphantly with only one of the quarters and held it up proudly to show me and crawled back inside the wendy's. I was to surprised by the entire situation to object when he told me I was short a few cents and I just retrieved and few more coins from my pocket and proceded to the next window.

TOPEKA ATTORNEY

CHARACTER EDUCATION KANSAS

Have you met Matt?

It's been brought to my attention that I bear certain similarities to the character Marshall on the TV program "How I Met Your Mother." This guy has been with his now wife since freshmen year of college, is a law student (or was at the beginning of the show), is 6'4" and is generally hilarious much like myself (ok Jason Segal is alot more funny than me.)
As a result I have watched several episodes of the show and enjoyed them thoroughly. And has actually resulted in a humorous situation in real life which I will now relate to you dear reader. (who is in all probability only Elizabeth). About a week ago Liz was out of town so I went down to Manhattan to hang out with my brother Matt and some other friends. We went to a bar to grab a few drinks. Matt mentioned that there were a two girls he found attractive. I told him that he should go talk to them. We discussed the best way for his approach but we couldn't decide. Clearly, I had to take matters into my own hands. So as they walked by I tapped one on the shoulder and said, "have you met Matt?" Matt acted cool and was all like, "what? what's with this guy." and ended up talking to them for a while. I ducked out and went and sat at a table. (You might now be wondering how this relates to How I met your Mother. well if you don't know I'm not gonna help you. I know its bad story telling but that's how its going.) A few minutes later Matt came over to our table and we asked if he had gotten their number. He hadn't. We gave him a pretty hard time but before we left he remedied the situation.

Good job Matt. You made me so proud.

TOPEKA LAWYER

CHARACTER EDUCATION KANSAS

On the television

I recently saw a show with my wife on the cable tv network VH1. This show is known as "Tool Academy". If you haven't seen this show let me sum it up for you. Its Jerry Springer meets Survivor. Crazy people are getting voted off the show. When the "tool" gets kicked off the show the host says, "I'm sorry your just a tool." This is pretty funny to me. And clearly is the pay off for watching a show in which its fueled by hatred for all the contestants on the show. YES I spent 30 minutes watching idiots and then at the end one of them is called a TOOL! One thing thats been nice is that watching it with my wife has some advantages. Next to these guys not only do I look like a genius, I am also the nicest guy in the world. I have never over turned tables and tackled people for... (well im not quite sure why that guy did those things.)All and all its pretty much a total waste of time. Which leads me to my next question. WHY AM I WATCHING IT!!! I cannot really answer that question. I don't even have that much free time (being in law school and all) but I have seen parts of several episodes. The only good thing about watching it is then I get the jokes the Soup (another tv show) makes about it. (sigh) TV wastes my life. I should probably spend all my time complaining about it on the computer...

CHARACTER EDUCATION KANSAS

TOPEKA LAWYER

On past battles

Here's a post from my old blog I had in undergrad. I would still post there but I forgot my password...

concerning chicken ducks
Imagine a chicken. Make its bill slightly longer and its head slightly bigger. Make that chicken slightly longer. Now give the chicken a really butt ugly head which is white speckled with black and feathers flailing in every direction like a lion's main. And still further make the chickens feat webbed but it still has the claws. Now make that hideous beast fearless. Once you imagine all these things you will have a good idea what is plaguing my romantic walks with my girlfriend. Yes, Chicken ducks. They are straight from hell. I'm fairly certain the retirement home near the pond where the chicken ducks dwell has been breading them in order to scare some of the old people to death so that they have more space. (that's pretty terrible I know, but a creature this grotesque has to be bread for some evil purpose). Every time Liz and I walk by this pond we usually sit and share a genuinely romantic moment together, but not since the chicken ducks came. These Chicken ducks will fly up right onto this wooden deck about a foot from my face where we are sitting. Then it starts its evil purpose of trying to scare me to death by peering deep into my eyes with its lifeless cold red eyes(however I am not old and I don't die, but I do feel an icy cold feeling deep in my soul that must be part of me dieing). So I feel we must leave and take our romantic getaway elsewhere. But then it flys and sits in the middle of the sidewalk directly in our way. So there I am facing down a demon straight from hell. I knew it was him or me. So I ran straight for it. There on the chill afternoon I ran full force all 230 pounds 6'5" of me ready to crush the evil of this chicken duck. But it didn't move just calmly and coldly stared with an deadly smirk like it knew if I struck it down he would become more powerful then I could ever imagine (shameless star wars reference). So a foot before these two cosmic forces collided I stopped...THE CHICKEN DUCK HAD CALLED MY BLUFF. Never play chicken with a chicken duck. So I looked more moronic then I ever had before in my life (and that's saying alot) the chicken duck had won. So I positioned myself between the chicken duck and liz and walked around with my head held low and the stench of shame in my nostrils (although it prolly was just the chicken duck). The chicken duck knew he had beaten me. He clucked with pride. but deep down I think he knew, like all evil villains know, I would eventually win.......



CHARACTER EDUCATION KANSAS

TOPEKA ATTORNEY

2nd year

It has been quite a while since my last post. I've been pretty darn busy. I just started my 2nd year of law school. So far its been pretty redonkulously busy. (The expression not the flower. Yes redonkulous is a flower. Google that shit. I don't actually know how its spelled but the condescending google "did you mean" ought to help.)I am taking 13 hours of normal classes most of which are overlapping at a mind numbing pace. I'm now an expert on procedural due process. (that's as boring as it sounds). Going back to school always makes me feel like Harry Potter. Especially in law school when people sometimes say "1st year" or "2nd year."

I am also taking 2 hours of credit for an internship at the district court. That has been fairly interesting. I am not actually allowed to talk about the details of my work (a fact which I love).I think I can actually do this stuff. Which is important because ready or not in less than two years I will have to. Or I could always go back to waiting tables. I don't think my wife would like that idea very much.

TOPEKA ATTORNEY

CHARACTER EDUCATION KANSAS